May 20, 2018

The day had finally come. I was full of excitement but also full of fear. It came in a furry. Bill was focused on getting laundry switched. We made the phone call to our parents and headed to the hospital. Five hours later, I was holding a little bundle of joy in my arms.  It was a clean slate, an adventure, my heart was full of love! We had this little son to raise for God's glory.

I could hardly wait to see what life would bring. Graduation? That is an eternity away. It won't come for a very long time.  Well, that "very long time" came in a blink of an eye. May 18, 2018 is my oldest son's very LAST day of school. May 20, 2018 is the day he will graduate from high school.

I even remember getting a t-shirt with an order of Disney books. It was a size 3T. It came when he was only a couple weeks old. "This shirt will never fit him!", I thought.

I have had many hopes and dreams for this boy of mine. I have prayed for him, and I have cried over him. Parenting is the hardest job in the entire universe. I have cherished adorable things he has said or done. He used to be deathly afraid of badoons. (Vacuums for you people who can't speak "Christopher".) If it was sitting out, at my grandma's or mom's house, he would ask them in a frightful voice if they were planning to vacuum while he was there. They would lovingly tell him no and promptly put it away. I miss his little voice singing along with the radio, praising God. His favorite song was, "Yes, I believe" by Point of Grace. He still sings praise to God, but he can play his guitar along with it. It is my favorite thing!

I can immediately recount about 5 things off the top of my head that I wish I had handled differently. Regrets. Oh don't get me wrong, there are WAY more than 5. I really wish this motherhood gig came with do overs. I would so take advantage. When I think of these things it instantly fills me with sadness and pain. I wish to erase these things from my memory. I wish I could go back in time, and at the very moment those things happened, I want to apologize immensely for my sin nature coming through. Oh how I feel like I failed. This is where I am so thankful for God's grace and forgiveness. I also recently watched a video of a study someone did of how mom's view themselves vs. how their kids view them. It is so encouraging. What Mom's Think of Themselves

But when I look at this "man", that will soon be graduating from high school, I know I did not fail. He is strong, he is smart, he loves God, he wishes to follow God's will. He is showing wisdom, he is a hard worker. A very hard worker. He is responsible. He is thoughtful, he is so very friendly to everyone he meets. He doesn't know a stranger. He cares about unborn babies, he cares about lost souls. He witnesses whenever he has a chance.

I recall once when he was about 8 yrs old, he led a little boy to Jesus that he had met at the McDonald's play place. Another time when he was about 10, he came to me with  pleading eyes  to come help him. He had been sharing about Jesus to his friends at County Fair, and they weren't really responding. He said, "Mom, come help me tell them. They need to know how to get to Heaven!"

 I know that God has great things planned for this man. This man, that if I look closely, I still see a 5

yr old little boy in his eyes. My little boy. My baby! I know May 20, 2018 will be here before I know it. No matter how much I will for time to go slowly. I am beyond proud of him. I do enjoy this stage. I have a blast spending time with him. We laugh and laugh! But once he graduates, things will forever be different. Things will change. So for now, I will enjoy every moment. I will live in the moment.
I love you, Christopher William. You made me a mother for the first time.