What Is Your Heart Set On????

I have been going on quite a rough road lately, being faced with my control issues, and not REALLY trusting God with ALL things. I mean, I would say I trust God, but if I did, I wouldn't feel the need to control everything. I have also had a double whammy this week. 2 books I am reading both touched on the issue of controlling mother's. On one hand, it seems to be more common than I thought- I am not alone!!!! But then, it is so hugely convicting!!! I will share what my books talked about.

"It is as if I were sitting in the back seat of a Land Rover in a little car seat that had its own steering wheel. I was turning the wheel left, then right, but I never realized that my steering wheel wasn't connected to anything. One day I looked up and realized that I wasn't the one driving. I finally saw that although I have a steering wheel, I can give up control. My driver (God) is totally in control. He has been on the road. He knows the way. He sees ahead to the very end of the road- to ALL my tomorrows. I can sit back, relax and converse with the Driver, and enjoy the journey. My focus becomes HIM instead of where I am going. " - Calm my Anxious

Heart

This little kid in the picture, thinks he is driving the car. But he is not, his mom is controlling where it goes, how fast, when it turns, when it stops, etc etc. I am like this child. I think I can control my life, or the life of my husband or kids...but I cannot. Alas, we are like little children in this car stroller, and God is the one controlling it.

From the other book- " Everything doesn't depend on me- and everything doesn't have to happen just the way I planned it." OK Stop Amanda- read that sentence again. I could save my self a lot of frustration and anger if I could just get a better sense of what I really can control. Most of us could let go of two-thirds of what we think we have to control. God is the one who is really in control. ALWAYS. He never sleeps. He never slumbers. He is never caught off guard. He knows what has happened, what is happening and what will happen in each of our lives. Best of all, He is faithful, He is trustworthy, and He is- listen to this- in control of control." WOW!!!!

"If God holds everything together, what that means is we don't have to. More important, we're not suppose to. When we try to be in charge of everything, we're really trying to take God's place." OUCH!!! "No wonder we grow frustrated and angry. We're just no up to the job of being God!!"

Proverbs 25:28- "Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit."

I am trying to control the wrong things. I have let trying to control everything else, have priority over controlling myself- or self control. Only possible through the help of the Holy Spirit. I can control my own spirit.....and trust God to control the rest. This is not going to be an overnight process. I also have anxiety issues. I never thought I had anxiety problems!!! My oldest son has MAJOR anxiety issues, and I can't help but think, "Have I been an anxious person his whole life, and subconsciously passed that on to him????" I certainly hope not, but it is not out of the

question.

I was not an angry person as a child. I have recently come to realize, that I think it all started when I had Christopher. I think my controlling issues started then, even though I didn't realize it. The more I tried to control, and maybe it didn't go my way, it caused anger. Then it caused layers and layers of anger, but I didn't actually start having an anger problem until about 5 years ago, when we lived in our brand new house, and the anxiety over money was really a struggle!!!

I am not going to be able to change this over night. I am aware of it, and have to daily rely on God to strengthen me!! He is my strength. I was reading over Psalm 84 last night, and this morning. The words are music to my ears, I want to be blessed by God. I want my heart to be SET on Him!! So often my heart is set on what I want, or want to control, or what I need, or selfish desires!!!! I want to give up all control to Him, and just relax and be blessed. It is also a song by Hillsong- the link is below to

watch the video. If you watch it, just remove other distractions, and just worship God. Sing the song to God. I promise it will move you!!!! Get your Bible out, and read the words as you sing them!! I did that this morning, and it was a sweet time of worship. I took a picture of the passage in my Bible.

Psalm 84:4-8 (New International Version)

⁴ Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
they are ever praising you.
Selah

⁵ Blessed are those whose strength is in you,

who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.

⁶ As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools. ^a]">[a]

⁷ They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.

⁸ Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty;
listen to me, O God of Jacob.
Selah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86ODphPjmTA&feature=related